Lying Media Bastards: Quotes Archive

November 24, 2004

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."

-Jonathan Swift

November 22, 2004

"Hate crimes against Arabs and Muslims went up over 1000% right after 9/11. Which still put us in fourth place behind blacks, gays and Jews."

- Ahmed Ahmed

November 20, 2004

"8:45? And here I am yapping away like it's 8:35!"
-Ned Flanders

October 28, 2004

"The difficult we'll do right now, the impossible will take a little while."
-Billie Holliday

October 13, 2004

"I'm not calling you a liar, but... I can't think of a way to finish that sentence."
-Bart Simpson

September 21, 2004

"At 8 o'clock on network TV, you can watch girls in bikinis eating mealworms. By that standard, we're good."
-Jon Stewart, on "The Daily Show"

September 08, 2004

"If you've been reading the headlines for the past year and the word 'fuck' never popped into your mind, well, we've got nothing to talk about."
- Lewis Black

August 26, 2004

"I think governments are the cancer of civilization. And the minute that we see seven or eight women get in a circle and start a war, I'll be shocked like a motherfucker."
- Chuck D

August 17, 2004

"I don't think Osama bin Laden sent those planes in to attack us because he hated our freedom. I think he did it because of our support for Israel and our ties with the Saudi family and all our military bases in Saudi Arabia. Y'know why I think that? Because that's what he fucking said!"
- David Cross

August 12, 2004

"There's nothing more American than false hope."
- Louis Black

August 06, 2004

"I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America... In America, the majority raises formidable barriers around the liberty of opinion; within these barriers an author may write what he pleases, but woe to him if he goes beyond them."

-Alexis de Tocqueville

August 03, 2004

"The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. George Bush has $180 million to spend. With that kind of money, he could convince Americans to drink paint, and he probably will."
- Bill Maher

July 24, 2004

"That's what addicts do. They burn bridges."
-kk

July 05, 2004

"It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of a son of a bitch or another."
- Malcolm Reynolds, "Firefly"

May 02, 2004

"Your head's like mine, like all our heads; big enough to contain every god and devil there ever was. Big enough to hold the weight of oceans and the turning stars. Whole universes fit in there! But what do we choose to keep in this miraculous cabinet? Little broken things, sad trinkets that we play with over and over. The world turns our key and we play the same little tune again and again and we think that tune's all we are."
- The Invisibles

April 19, 2004

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!"
- Homer Simpson

April 15, 2004

"For every dollar the boss has and didn't work for, one of us worked for a dollar and didn't get it."
-"Big" Bill Haywood

April 04, 2004

"O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with hurricanes of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it – for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen."

-Mark Twain, "The War Prayer"

March 09, 2004

"When the institutions of money rule the world, it is perhaps inevitable that the interests of money will take precedence over the interests of people. What we are experiencing might best be described as a case of money colonizing life. To accept this absurd distortion of human institutions and purpose should be considered nothing less than an act of collective, suicidal insanity."
-David Korten

March 03, 2004

"The funny thing about one person making a difference, is that when you stand up, you find you're not standing alone."
-Steve Coffman

March 01, 2004

"It might be good for our citizens to recall (or learn for the first time) that the United States was the creation of men who believed that each man has the right to do what he wants with his own life as long as he does not interfere with his neighbor's pursuit of happiness (that his neighbor's idea of happiness is persecuting others does confuse matters a bit)."
-Gore Vidal

February 05, 2004

"I've spent a lifetime defending the flag and the law. Maybe I should have battled less - and questioned more."
-Captain America

Look motherfucker, you don't need a Humvee.
Not at all.
Not even the pretty yellow one.

You're a dentist, not the right leg of Voltron.

-Dong

January 29, 2004

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him whose."
-Don Marquis, Journalist

December 10, 2003

"My grandfather died in a war. My father died in a war. Me? I'm holding out hope for a zombie attack."
-Joey Comeau

November 10, 2003

"First they ignore you,
Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win"
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

October 10, 2003

"If the ass is protecting the system, ass-kicking should be undertaken, regardless of the sex, ethnicity, or charm of the ass involved."
-Florence Kennedy

September 06, 2003

It's superficial progress, they call it liberation.
With opiates of silicon, Big Brother schemes to rule the nation.
We're one nation under God, we stand above the rest;
With mighty high technology, we're never second best.
Our specialty is infiltration!
Prepare yourself for subjugation,
Victory through domination.

- Bad Religion, "Part II (The Numbers Game)"

August 10, 2003

"Mass murder for a 'good cause' is one of the sicknesses of our time."
-Howard Zinn

July 10, 2003

"Patriotism assumes that our globe is divided into little spots, each one surrounded by an iron gate. Those who had the fortune of being born on some particular spot, consider themselves better, nobler, grander, more intelligent than the living beings inhabiting any other spot. It is, therefore, the duty of everyone living on that chosen spot to fight, kill, and die in the attempt to impose his superiority upon all others."
-Emma Goldman

June 10, 2003

"The first rule of journalism is that governments lie. All governments lie."
-I.F. Stone

May 10, 2003

"Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

March 10, 2003

"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule-- and both commonly succeed, and are right."
-H.L. Mencken

February 10, 2003

"When the people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called 'the People's Stick.'"
-Mikhail Bakunin

January 10, 2003

"There's one law for the rich, another for the poor, and I’m out to fuck that system"
-Abbie Hoffman

December 10, 2002

"When the man who feeds the world by toiling in the fields is himself deprived of the basic rights of feeding, sheltering and caring for his own family, the whole community of man is sick."
-Cesar Chavez

November 10, 2002

"There are two ways not to suffer from the inferno we are all living in every day. The first suits most people: accept the inferno and become part of it to the point where you don't even see it any more. The second is riskier and requires constant attention and willingness to learn: seek out and know how to recognize whoever and whatever, in the midst of the inferno, is not inferno, and help them last, give them space."
-Italo Calvino

October 10, 2002

"Worshipping a dictator is such a pain in the ass."
-Chinua Achebe

September 10, 2002

"Fighting crime by building more jails is like fighting cancer by building more cemeteries."
-Paul Kelly

August 10, 2002

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot.

"Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, cuz I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed.

"Now the politicians are sayin', 'Send in the marines to secure the area' cuz they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot, just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass.

"And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, cuz he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic.

"So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better.

"Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."
-Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting

July 10, 2002

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."
-Upton Sinclair

June 10, 2002

"I spent 33 years in the Marines. Most of my time being a high-class muscle man for Big Business, for Wall Street and the bankers. In short, I was a racketeer for capitalism. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912. I helped make Mexico and especially Tampico safe for American oil interests in 1914. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenue in. I helped in the rape of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefit of Wall Street..."
-Gen. Smedly D. Butler

May 10, 2002

"If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again."
-Sojourner Truth

April 16, 2002

"Booty Shakin Rulz!"
-graffiti on a windowframe in my apartment