Lying Media Bastards: Snapshots Archive
November 26, 2004
Damn. That joke would have been much funnier if I'd said "apprentice" instead of "intern".
November 22, 2004
Several years of mild sleep deprivation and only one hallucination? That's pretty good.
November 17, 2004
Mission: Mongolia
Jake's first attempt at homemade Mongolican barbecue:
Failure.
What went right: correctly guessing several key seasonings- lemon, ginger, soy, garlic, chili.
What went wrong: still missing some ingredients, and possibly had one wrong, rice vinegar. Way too much lemon and chili.
Result: not entirely edible.
Plan for future: try to get people at Great Khan's restaurant to tell me what's in the damn sauce.
November 11, 2004
It's good to know that with the slightest bit of effort, I can still get reallly, really lost in Los Angeles.
November 06, 2004
I'm driving along and there's this ad on the radio for some kind of theater thing, "a reading of three plays by Native American authors". I zone out until the end of the ad, where they're talking about tickets, and they say, I shit you not, "Reservations recommended."
October 13, 2004
I think I'm just gonna go ahead and declare myself a rock star. I can do that.
September 25, 2004
Maybe I should just die young. It'd sure as hell make a lot of things easier.
September 23, 2004
The guy's t-shirt is for a band called "Verbal Assault," but I misread it and think it says "Venereal Assault." Which is a great band name, and it's mine, and you can't have it.
September 12, 2004
The "Harry Potter Dog": Polish sausage, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, bacon & Nacho cheese (jalapenos 25 cents extra)
August 27, 2004
So that's where my bathing suit was! In my bedroom, on top of the amplifier box, in the plastic shopping bag, with the beach towel and the package of miso soup!
August 21, 2004
The three little girls stood on tiptoe beneath the street light, taping a flyer to the side of the lamp post. It was probably announcing a garage sale or lemonade stand, but I like to think that it was part of a cunning trap that would lure grown-ups to their deaths.
July 29, 2004
So... there's only one flavor of Snapple, right? "Sugary"?
July 07, 2004
I don't know anyone named Brandon. But the woman implored me, "Tell Brandon I said 'hi!'"
So Brandon, a crazy homeless lady over on Vermont Avenue says "hi."
June 25, 2004
Don't know how much longer I can stand this jackhammer shit. YO!! JACKHAMMER GUY!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!
June 05, 2004
Watching "VH1's 100 Most Metal Moments", I was reminded of one important truth: Def Leppard really sucks.
May 20, 2004
Even though I'm not bald, I'm thinking of trying a comb-over. And that doesn't even make sense.
May 11, 2004
"Need" and "steam" do not rhyme, you coffeehouse poet bastard.
May 09, 2004
The train has left the station, and we are slowly chugging along the secret back channels of downtown Los Angeles. I think about how bad my luck has been lately, and figure that my train will probably get in an accident. And for a split-second, I panic. Oh my god, we're gonna be hit for sure because I'm on this train!! How could I have been so thoughtless, I've doomed all these people to death!!
April 29, 2004
To listen to the CD perched on my finger, I need to swap it for one of the 5 discs in the changer. Black Panther rap. Skip. Instrumental hip-hop. Skip. Funky white guy rap. Skip. New conscious political rap. Skip. Whoa, Cocteau Twins! "Which of these things is not like the others?" Swap. Cool, now I can listen to the "Fuck You, Pay Me" song.
(links included so you can play along at home)
April 02, 2004
Burbank is a graveyard.
March 15, 2004
Freeway, 75MPH, I suddenly wonder if i could steer the car with my teeth. When my open mouth is about 4 inches from the steering wheel, I realize this is crazy and stop.
About ten minutes later, I find myself bent forward, steering wheel in my teeth.
Man, I really need to start sleeping more.
March 03, 2004
There's this guy on TV who's telling me that he wants to "take all the confusion out of buying a mattress." Thank god, cuz buying a mattress is like doing calculus and shit.
February 18, 2004
As soon as I open the door, that cat's gonna get loose in the apartment, I just know it will.
Posted by Jake at
12:33 PM
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Comments (0)
February 17, 2004
9pm- Play "Manhunt", video game where you stalk and murder gang members
10pm- "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"
11pm- "The Simpsons"
Posted by Jake at
10:13 PM
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Comments (0)
Carrots = tasty
Posted by Jake at
10:12 PM
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February 11, 2004
I really haven't ingested enough caffiene to be this jittery.
Posted by Jake at
04:38 PM
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February 10, 2004
How do you say "Hmong" in Hmong?
"Hmoob."
(Sigh, no one's going to get that)
Posted by Jake at
05:31 PM
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Comments (1)
February 06, 2004
What's the deal with cops and mustaches? Seriously.
Posted by Jake at
12:01 AM
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Comments (0)
January 29, 2004
The new site is like 97% done. I wouldn't say that I'm excited about it, because I don't let myself get excited. But I am smiling like an idiot for no reason, so that's something.
Posted by Jake at
10:41 AM
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